The physical, emotional and mental condition brought on by a loss, such as the death of someone you love, is called grief. Grief is our body's natural ability to heal our emotional injury. Grieving can be hard. Lack of understanding makes it harder. Grief is a personal process characterized by three phases.

     The first phase is Shock (denial). This begins with the news of the death, but the reality of the death may occur in a few minutes, a few days or even several months later. This phase “protects” the survivor from the emotional impact of the death. A need to stay busy, confusion, an inability to express emotion, inability to function and an overwhelming sense that something is wrong without grasping the reality of the loss are common characteristics of this phase.

     The second phase is The Expression of Grief (bargaining, anger, depression) may last for several days to several years. Them are mental, physical and emotional manifestations that may come and go or appear in any combination.

     Mental: Preoccupation of the death: how it happened, the person that died. Inability to focus, remember or be productive. You may have paranoid or inconsistent thoughts. You may even want to make radical changes in all aspects of your life, but it is imperative that you take time to think clearly and not make impulsive decisions that you may later regret.

     Physical: Fatigue, weakness, insomnia, weight gain or loss, headaches, the tendency to catch stress-related illnesses, a sense of vulnerability, discomfort with too much activity or stimulation.

     Emotional: Intense sadness, fear, anxiety, anger, depression, loneliness, confusion, helplessness, isolation and guilt. The inability to feel love or give love, compulsive behavior, thinking that you are “crazy” are often felt by those in grief.

     The third and final stage is Acceptance. You will know when you have reached this stage when you are able to recall memories of your deceased loved one fondly and pleasantly instead of painfully. Once acceptance has bees reached, planning for the future becomes more realistic. A new and wiser you will have emerged.

     The rate of acceptance often depends on your ability to feel and express your grief openly. Take time out from your usual standards of behavior. Surround yourself with people that you feel comfortable with, tell them how you feel and what you need from them. Feel and express your emotions. It is okay to cry, to laugh, or to be silent. Write things down about your feelings, your wishes, regrets and joys. Give yourself breaks from grieving to rest, have fun and be nurtured. Try to eat well. Try to get your sleep. Above all, give yourself time.

Living When A Loved One Has Died
By Dr. Earl A. Grollman
     With simple compassion, Earl Grollman leads those who are experiencing emotional turmoil to a new life. Gently, straightforward he helps the bereaved confront the death of a loved one and go on living.

What Helped Me When My Loved One Died
By Dr. Earl A. Grollman
     An excellent and helpful collection of very real and honest feelings by the only people who really know; those who have been through the loss of a loved one.

When Bad Things Happen to Good People
By Harold Kushner
     Praised by theologians, psychiatrists and counselors of all persuasions, this very special book offers peace of mind and helps affirm humanity for its readers.

Understanding Grief: Helping Yourself Heal
By Alan Wolfelt
     If tragedy is a movement into becoming a new person, this book will serve as a valuable road map. You will probably want to buy a copy of this one for yourself to use as a workbook.

More Than Surviving/Caring For Yourself While You Grieve
By Kelly Osmont
     Grief affects us physically and we CAN do something about it. You honor your loved one by staying well and this lovely little book will help you take care of yourself.

Men & Grief - A Guide For Surviving the Death of a Loved One
By Carol Staudacher
     An in depth look at the unique patterns of male bereavement. Based on extensive interviews with male survivors, it describes the four characteristics of male grief, explains the forces that shape and influence male grief and provides step-by-step help for the male survivor. Focusing on surviving as a son, a father and a husband the book prescribes specific coping strategies to further recovery.

Brief Encounters Pregnancy and Infant Loss 11570 S.W. Bruce Dr. Beaverton, Oregon 97005 (503) 699-8006	SIDS Parents Support Group SIDS Resources of Oregon 4035 NE Sandy Blvd. Suite 209 Beaverton, Oregon 97005 (503) 285-7346 (800) 303-SIDS
The Compassionate Friends Portland Chapter P.O. Box 12553 Portland, Oregon 97212 (503) 248-0102	Parents of Murdered Children/ Other Survivors of Homicide Victims 14427 S. Forsythe Rd. Oregon City, Oregon 97045 (503)656-8039

The Dougy Center S.E. Portland P.O. Box 86852 Portland, Oregon 97286 (503) 775-5683	Me, Too. & Company Providence Child Care Center 830 Northeast 47th Portland, Oregon 97213 Program Info. (503) 499-5307
Stepping Stones S.W. Washington Medical Center P.O. Box 1600 Vancouver, Washington 98668 (360) 696-5100

One to Another Grief Classes - Varied Locations 4645 S.E. 33rd Ave. Portland, Oregon 97202 (503) 771-4341	Southwest Washington Medical Center Grief and Bereavement Support Group P.O. Box 1600 Vancouver, Washington 98668 (306) 696-5128
Portland Adventist Medical Center Grief Classes/Support Meeting 10123 S.E. Market St. Portland, Oregon 97216 (503) 251-6105	Providence St. Vincent Hospital & Medical Ctr. Journey Through Grief Program 9205 S.W. Barnes Rd. Portland, Oregon 97225 (503) 291-2261
Tuality Community Hospital Surviving the Loss 335 S.E. 8th Hillsboro, Oregon 97123 (503) 681-1700	Health & Lifestyle Center 1885 NW 185th Ave Aloha, OR 97006 503-215-6595

Widow/Widower Outreach National Council of Jewish Women 3030 S.W. 2nd Ave. Portland, Oregon (503) 222-5006	Caring & Sharing Beyond Today Widow/Widower Support Group 7688 S.W. Capitol Hwy. Portland, Oregon 97219 (503) 244-5204
Widow to Widow (N.E. Portland) Central Bible Church 8815 N.E. Glisan St. Portland, Oregon 97220 (503) 252-1424	Sounding Board for Widows & Widowers Central Lutheran Church & AARP 2104 N.E. Hancock Portland, Oregon 97212 (503) 284-2331
Grief & Beyond Support Group Milwaukie Senior Center 5440 S.E. Kellog Creek Dr. Milwaukie, Oregon 97222 (503) 653-8100